If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
