Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
