He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
