I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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