i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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