I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
