I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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