My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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