ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
