haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
