Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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