I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
