I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
