dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
