I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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