is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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