going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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