I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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