apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
