Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
