Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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