You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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