There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
