The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
