I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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