i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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