O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
false alarm, still single
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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