It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This baby is an asshole
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
