She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
