omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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