I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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