watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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