She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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