I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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