I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
