I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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