i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
