he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
