shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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