i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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