he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
