Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
