well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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