If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
