if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize