tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
