So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
