Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize