No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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