She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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