to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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