i dedicated my morning wood to you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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