never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
