you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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