Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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