Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
