i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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