I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
