Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You are a genius and a whore.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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