come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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