I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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