ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
