I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
