You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard