I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.