Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.