Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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