Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize