If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Shame is for Republicans.
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