My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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