i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
