She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
